How to develop trust in a relationship in five minutes a day ?
When we think of couples that work, we tend to think about how to build the love. But in reality there is something that is just as crucial, perhaps even the essential factor: trust.
5 studies to test the role of self-esteem in the success of a romantic relationship
University of Waterloo researchers undertook five studies to test the role of self-esteem in the success of a romantic relationship; in particular, partners were tested on their ability to accept positive feedback and compliments.
The studies show that the more insecure partners are about themselves, the more strenuously they reject the good things they hear – and the less good they feel about their relationships.
It is true, if you already have good self-esteem, getting praise and compliments reinforces your belief that you can trust your partner, which of course strengthen the relationship. But when our self-esteem is low, we doubt what we are hearing because it is so radically different from what we tell ourselves all the time. Convinced that our negative inner voice is the one stating facts, we then hear our partner’s nice words as insincere and our trust in the other and in the relationship takes a nose dive.
The way to gain trust, it would seem, is by asking instead sincere little questions about your partner’s day-to-day life; according to one of the studies, it is precisely that fact of being heard and cared about as they relate their day that makes low self-esteem partners feel better.
Curiously, however, in couples where partners both had good self-esteem, neither experienced a higher degree of satisfaction in the relationship after having a “how was your day” conversation. Nevertheless, a little caring moment is always a welcome element in any couple.